i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
