Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
