Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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