Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
