Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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