I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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