I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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