I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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