I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
