I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
wow bdsm is so cute
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
