the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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