he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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