I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
God, I missed his penis.
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