then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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