you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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