if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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