haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
