Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
