you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
