is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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