I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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