like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
