i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
