he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
