i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
