Yo dont text me then not text me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
