eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
