I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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