I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
did you just send me my own nude
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
