Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
