I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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