Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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