help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
