Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Randomize
