He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
