I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
