He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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