Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
