every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
