I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
