I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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