hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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