Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Randomize
