My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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