wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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