ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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