We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
