How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I am midnight drunk by noon
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
