I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
