Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
