Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
