We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
